"When were awaken, we can’t fall back asleep.
The idea and belief of something greater stays within our hearts, despite our minds attempt to dismiss it as foolery. The fog clears away from the fields of fears we’ve created throughout our lives. Our spiritual revelations come more frequently. Our souls become louder. Our purpose becomes clearer.
We try to run away, one last time, but the pavement crumbles beneath our feet. The path back to what once was no longer exists. We can’t go back to living a life we know isn’t in alignment with our highest selves. Our comfort zone is now in our zone of creativity, inspiration, and love.
We turn back towards the light. And instead of praying the light is the answer, we know with certainty it is.We surrender, once and for all. The anxiety releases and calmness washes over us
This is what we’ve been waiting for. "
We've all fallen victim to fear at one point or another in our lives. And if were being honest, we probably fall victim to it multiple times throughout the day. Whether its an obvious fear of switching careers or leaving a long-term relationship, or an deep-rooted, unconscious fear that were not good enough to receive love or feel happy….it all comes from the same source…our ego.
Our ego wants to protect us and keep us safe from feeling discomfort or pain. But, we need to realize that the fear itself often causes more pain than actual thing were afraid of. Fear keeps us stuck. Fear keeps us small. Fear is a permanent state. The only way to end it is to finally stand up to it and intentionally do the thing it is were afraid of. Because when we do stand up to fear, regardless of how uncomfortable it is, we gain confidence in ourselves and strengthen our connection to our intuition.
When I was in the heaps of my eating disorder, I was so incredibly fearful of gaining weight. Most of it was subconscious, and I certainly didn't try to challenge the fear or try and dig deeper into it. But, looking back now I realize that the real fear wasn't about the weight. The real fear was that I wouldn't be loved if I gained the weight. Fat phobia is so present in our society today that its no wonder eating disorders, bodybuilding, and “fitspo” are on the rise with no decline in sight.
No one wants to be the outcast. No one wants to be put in that box. It's in our nature to want to be accepted by society. It's in our nature to want the opposite sex to find us attractive. It's in our nature to want to be loved. When we start to break down the fears around our bodies, and any issue for that matter, we can begin to understand their purpose. Our egos aren’t just bullying us for no reason, they’re doing it so we feel safe and loved.
So maybe it isn't the intention of the ego that's the issue. The real issue is the way the ego approaches the situation. It’s not like our ego simply says “Sweetie, maybe you should ease up on the desserts. I want to make sure you feel confident and healthy when trying to attract love into your life.”
Its more like….”You’re a fat pig. No more cupcakes for you! Look at those belly rolls. Ugh, you’re gross!”
It’s this negative and demeaning inner dialogue that's really keeping us stuck. Our ego talks in this tone because it knows it will scare us. It knows it will keep us living and thinking the same way. For me, it served as constant reminder that I do need to diet, my body wasn't good enough as is, and I did need to change in order to receive love.
While our fears seem scary, we need to start asking... are they true? It wasn't until I started to acknowledge and question my fears around food and body to realize the truth...my worth was not in my weight. Sure, we live in a fat phobic society. Sure, people might judge me for gaining weight. But, would my family stop loving me? Would my close friends stop hanging out with me? Would the man that I want to marry stop having sex with me?
I knew I couldn’t suffer with the fear of gaining weight any longer. My body, mind, and spirit were breaking down trying to hold it all together. So I finally decided to stand up to my fear say f%$# you and DO IT anyway.
Stop dieting. Stop over-exercising. Stop shaming my body. Embrace weight gain…and more importantly, embrace all of the fears that surrounded it. Because, when I did, I saw the truth. My fear wasn’t real. Everything I built up in my head was a lie. People still wanted to hang out with me. Men still wanted to date me. I was still worthy of love and respect.
The confidence I gained from standing up to my fears has been monumental for me. But, I would have never come to this place if I didn’t just stand up to the fear and DO IT anyways. We can become aware of our fears and question them all day long, but it’s not until we take real action that we can move past them, once and for all.
Now that negative body image and disordered eating aren’t occupying as much of my mental space anymore, I've noticed a lot of other fears are coming to the surface. The most present one being the fear to take a break from my marketing career and shift my focus to writing, podcasting, and coaching. My intuition has been screaming at me to just take the dive and DO IT for the last few months, but my ego isn’t going down without a fight. It’s bringing out the big guns.
“What about MONEY? 401K? Health insurance? Don’t be stupid!”
"You think someone would hire you after seeing you have a GAP on your resume?
“Do you really think this is actually gong to work? Get real!”
"Good luck telling your parents, much less anyone else!"
And I’m not going to lie….I’m scared shitless. But, I also know that the pain I’ve felt from NOT taking the chance on this is more painful than me moving towards it. I also know that I could never really regret anything that takes me closer to my souls purpose. Even if it is an epic “failure,” I know that challenging my fear and trusting my intuition will only make me a stronger individual.
And in the grand scheme of LIFE, what the f$#% does it really matter?! What is the absolute worst that could happen? We fail? People judge us? The guy we like doesn't like us back? We don't get the job? Someone doesn't agree with what we say? WHO THE F$%# CARES?! Sorry, rant over. That was mainly a pep talk for myself.
The point to bring home is that we cannot grow if we don’t challenge our fears. If we keep giving into the ego’s demands and choosing safety over discomfort, we’ll never grow. We’ll never step into our purpose. We’ll never know our true power.
I invite everyone to start looking at their own fears. Fear can show up as doubt, insecurity, jealousy, procrastination, shame, and a multitude of other negative emotions. The first step is to become aware of these fears, via meditation, journaling, or whatever reflective practices you have in your tool box. The next step is to question the underlying purpose of these fears. Then, say F$%# you and do it anyway.
One of my favorite practices was taught to me by one of my incredible coaches, Sarah Tamburinni. Throughout the day, she had me write down the negative chatter of my ego in my phone. “You look so fat today.” “You’re never going to overcome this.” “People are going to judge you.” Then when I got home, I wrote them all on paper. After I wrote them down, I started to challenge all of them. What was the real fear underneath the negative chatter? Was it actually true? Or was it keeping me stuck suffering?
Then, I lit them all on fire. Literally. Everyday.
Extreme? Maybe. Rewarding? You bet.
If you're not a dramatic pyro, this might not be for you, but I do encourage you to find a practice that resonates with you. There’s just something about setting shit on fire that just really amps me up to say F$%# to my fears and trust my intuition and choose love instead. Maybe play some heavy metal in the background while I do it. Maybe listen to Coldplay in my bed and cry after I do it. But, I digress....
However you come to acknowledge, challenge, and say F$%# you to your fears is your business. Just make sure you don't forget the last step..taking ACTION and doing it anyway.
Go ask the guy out. Wear the bikini. Take the dance class. Go on the trip. Tell her how you feel. Quit your job. Pursue your passion. Whatever it looks like for you in this moment, DO IT. Because life is too short to not take chances. Life is too precious to not take advantage of its opportunities. And you’re too amazing to never realize your full potential.