Disclaimer: This post isn't going to tell you how to beat bloat or crash diet. This is going to help you understand what you're really after when you're trying to lose weight.
A lot of us go through life thinking "I'm so fat," "I can't wait to be skinny," and "Once I'm skinny, everything will fall into place." Were delusional to the idea that when we finally get the bodies we desire we'll be happy, find love, and experience more abundance than we ever dreamed possible.
We've made associations to the words skinny and fat that have a greater significance than physical appearance.
Skinny is a feeling of love, acceptance, freedom, sex appeal, and confidence.
Fat is a feeling of shame, guilt, unattractive, unhealthy, and unlovable.
Or, at least that's what we've been trained to believe.
In order to end the war with food and your body, you need to really understand what it is you're emotionally craving when you say you want to change your physical appearance. You need to really question why you want to lose weight. And please don't tell me it's because you'll feel better about yourself because I'll disprove that faster than the time it took you to finish that sentence (more on that in a later post).
When we say we want to feel skinny, what we really want is to feel confident, sexy, and loved. But, the sole physical act of weight loss isn't going to bring us the positive emotions were really after. TRUST ME, I was 115lbs and I was more insecure than I've ever been in my entire life.
So, instead of focusing on your body, start to focus on what other things you can be doing to feel "skinny" (confident, sexy, and lovable).
Here's a couple ideas....
Commit to your (whole)self. Mind, body, spirit. There's no shortcuts here. You have to decide every single day to love yourself....not matter what you look like, no matter who you're dating, no matter what what you ate yesterday. You are a delicate and beautiful soul that has experienced pain and needs LOVE, PLEASURE, and COMFORT...not another diet.
Give yourself the time and attention you deserve. Get to know your (true)self. Meditate, journal, take yourself out on a date. You are a beautiful being, inside and out, and it's about time you started treating yourself as such.
Do things that make you feel sexy. This is completely individualized to each person, but personally, dancing is what makes me feel sexy. I go to an empty yoga studio, blast hip-hop music, and get down with my bad self. I watch my incredible curves move in the mirror and feel so energized, alive, and sexy. The way I feel in that yoga studio then carries over to the way I feel throughout my entire day.
- Making sure you wear clothes that make you feel sexy and comfortable. Every. single. day.
- Do your hair and make-up, paint your nails, and put effort in looking good whenever you step outside
- Pole dancing, giving your man a strip-tease, massaging yourself, masturbating (don't be shy, you are a sexual being and the only reason you blushed at that last part is because society taught you to)
Look in the mirror and give yourself a compliment. Don't tell me you can't. There is something about your appearance that you like. Start small. Maybe you like your eyes. Maybe you like your new nail color polish. Find something nice to say about yourself every time you look in the mirror. Eventually, more compliments will naturally come to the surface (and you'll genuinely believe them). Even on days I'm feeling "fat," I can still find something to appreciate on my beautiful face and sexy physique!
Start a gratitude practice. This is one of the most beneficial practices I could recommend to anyone. It's easy for us to get caught up in how bad our bodies look, how much money we don't have, and how terrible our dating lives are. But, what if we decided to be thankful for the roof over our heads and the fact that we have a job? What if instead of criticizing the cellulite on our thighs, we were thankful for our legs' ability to walk us around and experience the world?
Everyday, I have an alarm that goes off at 8:30PM to remind me to list three things I'm feeling grateful for that day. In that moment, I can set aside the anxiety, the negativity, and anything bringing me down. I can just appreciate the fact that I am alive, I am healthy, and I am here. At first, I needed the alarm to bring me to that place.
Now, I feel gratitude throughout my entire day. I can walk down the street and be grateful for the smile a stranger gives me. I can get a call from my Dad and be so grateful to have love from a family member. The more grateful I became, the more incredible my life became.
Feel the love around you. The root of all of our insecurities is a fear of not being loved. We want to be skinny because we think it will better our chances of finding love. But, we need to realize that we already have unconditional love surrounding us. Our parents, our siblings, our closest friends. All of these people love YOU, not your body. And they would love you whether you gained or lost 20lbs. Start to feel the authentic love around you so you can quiet the fears in your head and ease into your true state of happiness.
If you commit to one, or all of these actions, you will feel the way you think skinny will make you feel. It might not happen overnight, but it will happen. Trust the process and believe in yourself.